This evening as the full moon in Aries approaches, I am thinking about Love. I am thinking about all the love I have had and lost. The love around me. The love within me.
Have you ever been in love? What was it like?
Have you ever loved someone so much you could feel it in all of the molecules and cells in your body? Or have you looked deep into someone’s eyes–so deep–that it feels like you sit down in their soul–as if sinking into the shape of the most comfortable chair designed just for you?
And if you have felt like that, was the feeling reciprocated, or otherwise, validated?
This year, I have learned a lot about love. I have learned that just when I think I have discovered a sense of knowing and depth, it turns out I don’t really know anything at all. I’m still trying to make sense of many aspects, but love is a never-ending notion that continuously evolves. Just like us.
It changes. It doesn’t make sense. It makes us happy. It makes us sad. It makes us stronger by sometimes actually breaking us down, by destroying us. Love is cruel. It stops for no one. It does what it wants.
Falling in love. Do most people really fall? Do they go into the depths of spirituality and oneness that transcends anything that made sense before?
When you really, truly, and deeply love someone, places and spaces that you never knew existed in your body and soul get touched. Awakened. Remembered.
Love is memory. Love is recognition. Love is uncountable definitions, sometimes unimaginable, and always surprising. . .either in the ways that it lifts you to the highest heights or tortures you in the darkest of depths.
When you go deep into those spaces and places that you never knew existed they can also become new places for someone to carve wounds. Deep wounds. So deep previous lifetimes are scarred. So deep you beg for a rebirth. So deep you can’t believe that everything you once thought was the truest TRUTH is all just undiscovered lies.
So, how do we survive love when it goes wrong? How do we pick up the pieces of our heart and soul that become shattered by previous notions and beliefs denied, no longer recognized!?
And then ultimately, how do we love again? Love our self, love the notion of love, emanate love, live and breathe love. And why is it that some of us can do it again and again and others close themselves off because they can’t bear the repetitive possibility of such a loss?
I had an interesting conversation at the bar last night with a friend. He mentioned that if we removed this very notion–or the desire–to have love, or be in love, then life would be much easier. I processed his ideology and immediately rejected it. We can’t un-know things, so how can one experience and then choose to delete? How?
No matter how deceiving, hurtful, manipulating, abusive, selfish, or mean people can be I will always get up, dust off my heart, and give it all I’ve got again and again. I cannot think of a world with that part removed. If I did that, I wouldn’t exist, because I AM love. I am the depths, the emotions, the feelings, the possibilities, the beauty, the never-ending journey.
In case you couldn’t tell, I am a hopeless romantic. I don’t know how to be any other way. Tonight makes me think of one of my most favorite songs in the whole wide world by the one and only Joni Mitchell. In the song, “A Case of You,” she says,
“I remember that time that you told me, you said
Love is touching souls
Surely you touched mine ’cause
Part of you pours out of me
In these lines from time to time.
Oh, you are in my blood like holy wine
You taste so bitter
And you taste so sweet, oh
I could drink a case of you, darling,
And I would still be on my feet.”
Joni always has a way with words, doesn’t she? So many of her songs are about all the idiosyncrasies of love. The good, the bad, the ugly. . .the triumphs, tribulations. . .and it is all beautiful and sad and so many things combined into a crazy concoction that makes the world and our minds and our hearts go ’round.
On this full moon, I will set the intention to LOVE. Love myself like I never have before, love the people around me, and even love the people who have hurt me. . .because maybe they are the people who need to be loved the most.
In essence, the love tonight on this full moon in Aries is transformation. It is evolution. It is growth of consciousness. It is a new beginning. May we all open our hearts to the love within and also out there in that big, but tiny, universe.
Remember, YOU are the universe and you are LOVE! <3